At some point the trail ends, and going home is always the hardest part of any adventure. It’s not because I don’t like being home, but the trails are my breath, my life force, and my power source. Please allow me to talk about life off the trails for a moment…
Today, my daughter, Melissa, had an appointment to get her wheelchair fixed. She is dependent on her “chair” because she cannot stand, sit, or walk on her own. The cable is broken that allows the chair to recline or stay upright. This is quite unsafe since it stays in neither the upright or reclined position, but instead, bounces between the two.
I had to cancel that appointment because I have no one to go with me and I am unable to lift Melissa in and out of her chair by myself. I may appear strong, but my strength is in my perseverance, no matter the situation. They will not help lift at the wheelchair clinic, and they no longer come to the home to do evaluations. So, what do I do? At this point I don’t know, but, together with Ron, we’ll figure something out. Soon.
Somewhat related….
I’ve been getting up at 3:30 every morning to work on this new blog I was trying to start (which is what you’re reading now). That is the only quiet, alone time I have until 5:30 a.m. when the rest of the family starts to rise. The old blog is outdated and stagnant and I was feeling as though I’d like to start creating again–writing and sharing thoughts and photos. I took a class in starting a blog in 5 days. That was the first week of January. While I finished the class in 5 days, I have been up early every morning since then (4 months have passed), and I am not creating much of anything, except frustration.
Friday morning I decided to do one of two things: quit or hire someone to do it. Hiring someone is beyond my budget. If it was someone else telling me they wanted to quit I would encourage them to take a break and begin again. I was seriously frustrated and not only feeling unmotivated, but sort of bitter and maybe a little inept.
I really felt inspired to write a story entitled F*** Positivity! So I googled that title and of course I wasn’t the only one who has ever felt that way. The articles basically said you can be as positive as you want but until you get your butt off the couch and make something happen, all the positive thoughts and gratitude in the world aren’t going to do a thing for you. That little news flash is not really a secret. We all know you can’t just wish things to be without making some magic happen.
After Frustration Friday I felt very broken and defeated, and I knew an adventure would help. But, the motivation wasn’t there. I laced up my boots and forced myself. I hiked almost 30 miles in 3 days, and got up again the next day to begin anew with my project. I’m no further on the blog, but I have done some research, contacted the theme creator, and am seeking out help from those who know more than me. So that was my action for the day.
As for Melissa’s chair, there is a way, and we’ll figure it out.
Some people think I talk about hiking too much. I’m sorry, I’m not sorry. Life off the trails is just not as pretty, and I’m not looking for sympathy. Everybody has their mountains to climb. I simply prefer the ones outside.
It’s all about perspective,
Pam
